serene – carpe diem haiku

still on the table
green tea cools in my red cup
without a ripple

indignant words bounce
off my tranquil countenance
placid as the tea

 

carpe diem haiku

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Joanne Moceri-Taveira
    Mar 11, 2013 @ 03:00:07

    absolutely love the first…such an ‘Ahhh’ moment…

    Reply

  2. high five and raspberries
    Mar 11, 2013 @ 10:21:05

    The was truly a zen moment..love it

    Reply

  3. Adriana Dascalu
    Mar 11, 2013 @ 12:45:58

    a lovely entry!

    Reply

  4. magicalmysticalteacher
    Mar 11, 2013 @ 15:01:52

    Not a ripple…ah!

    Reply

  5. djderdiger
    Mar 11, 2013 @ 15:42:38

    Who dares to be indignant in the presence of tea?!

    Reply

  6. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    Mar 11, 2013 @ 20:57:10

    The first one is splendid 😉

    Reply

  7. midnighttheblues
    Mar 13, 2013 @ 23:06:45

    You have a great poetic voice. You might make your words work more, especially in short imagistic forms like haiku. For instance, third line/first stanza, three of the syllables go to an article(“a”) and a preposition(“without”). The image is good, but the words are too easy. Same thing, sixth line. “the” isn’t doing much. Make every word count. Your on your way to being a good poet.

    Reply

  8. Whimsy Mimsy
    Mar 14, 2013 @ 02:30:57

    🙂 thanks. Yeah…I work with being wordy all the time.

    I think in this case, without the words as you suggested, I would go with the essence of haiku – being the image and not counting syllables…which is perhaps a great idea.

    The other thing that I personally enjoy doing, that doesn’t fit with the haiku tradition, is making the counts proper, the 5-7-5, and then making the little haiku flow, as if a regular poem, so that when its over, you look back and say, “oh yeah, that was supposed to be a haiku.” 🙂

    I will definitely keep that in mind. Thank you for the comment!!!

    Do you write? or mainly post artwork?

    Reply

    • midnighttheblues
      Mar 14, 2013 @ 18:10:03

      I’ve been in the poetry “business” for a long time. I guess I’ve reached the stage of being an “old poet.” I tend not to put my poems on a blog since that often precludes their being published in literary journals or magazines that want first rights. Anyway, no problem with making the counts proper. The challenge is to do that AND make every word add to the poem. In your poem, how the conversation might go, I think you do that. It’s a beautiful poem, and when I read it aloud, it has a wonderful sound. You should start thinking about sending some of your work to various journals, both print and on-line. Try to get a sense of what kind of work they print. One warning – be prepared for rejection. It’s an occupational hazard. Meanwhile, look for opportunities to read your work publicly. Your recordings show you have a good voice for that. Keep on writing.

      Reply

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