Playing with haiku with my friend, Phill

 

Sullen birds

one last summer day
cold wind under low black clouds
sullen birds gone quiet

crows on the wire
wind swinging them silently
summer has ended

leaves spiraling gently down
to race along the river

faded petals drift
swirling in muddy eddies
unwilling to go

water, gurgling over the falls
upstream – reluctant to come

Thin ice, translucent,
Wends along brown river banks
Beneath water flows

ancient trees drink long of the flood
willow fronds caress the waves

where once the sun blazed,
shaded beneath the willow
we slaked our fierce thirsts

Here is the original text from comments off the original haiku on his blog…I just “stole them” from his pages to have a copy of my own.  Phill is a true master of many arts, and a dear friend. You should check out his plethora of work!

His are bolded, and mine are italicized … the formatting I was trying to do was way too difficult.

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Susan L Daniels
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 00:05:46

    beautiful job, guys!

    Reply

  2. unfetteredbs
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 00:18:08

    Enjoyed this

    Reply

  3. Shackled and Crowned
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 00:24:30

    I love this. You both are amazing inspirations to me.

    Reply

  4. Alice Keys
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 00:27:41

    This is deep and rich. Well done.

    Reply

  5. jenlefeverwood
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 00:58:32

    I love writing & reading pieces that has words from two different souls… 😉 this is lovely. I love the use of verbs & adjectives. Xo

    Reply

  6. simonhlilly
    Mar 25, 2013 @ 09:34:24

    The two voice styles make an interesting comparison, and the content hits the right feel for haiku, much more than most!

    Reply

  7. ajaytao2010
    Mar 29, 2013 @ 05:39:03

    excellent, so beautiful

    Reply

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